RENT: The Real Story as Seen By a Non Believer
by Sonata Rapp
Summary: Just stuff a friend and I came up with while skipping class today. She hates RENT and this is her interpretation. I, on the other hand, love it!I swear this is not my opinon of the show! RENTheads forever! Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

Hey you guys. So after reading stories like "RENT: In a Nutshell" and "Chat" I decided to write my own little RENT recap fic while taking a break from my other stories and skipping class. I got the ideas and dialogue from a friend of mine who is not a RENT fan. This is really their interpretation of the show.

**Mark:** December 24, 9 pm Est. Blah, Blah, Blah. My films suck. So to pass the time I think I'll film homeless people.

**Roger:** I want to write a song. _(Plays guitar)_

**Mark:** You sound like shit, stop.

_The phone rings_

**Mrs. Cohen:** Mark pick up. It's your mother I'm overbearing and your girlfriend is a lesbian but life's good. Bye!

_The phone rings a second time_

**Collins:** Yo bitches I'm downstairs. Throw me the key. Oh shit I- (Mark gets a dial tone)

**Mark:** Collins? What happened?

_The phone rings yet again_

**Benny:** Hey you bums I need the rent.

**Mark** **and Roger:** Benny you suck. We are broke and you know it.

**Benny:** Still need the rent.

**Mark**: My girlfriend left me for someone else. I don't have time for this!

**Benny:** What's his name?

**Roger:** Joanne

**Benny:** Too bad, still need the rent.

**Roger:** (plays guitar)

**Mark:** Shut Up _(the power blows)_ Thank God.

**Mark, Roger and angry tenants:** Rent, Rent, RENT! We ain't got it, so we can't pay. But we're going to make it look like we're rebelling against the system. Fuck you Benny!

_(On the street…)_

**Collins:** Ow. I got beat up.

**Angel:** You okay?

**Collins:** I just said I got beat up do you think I'm okay?

**Angel:** Get over it. I've got AIDS.

**Collins**: No shit? Me too!

**Angel:** Cool I've got to go to Life support at 9:30. Wanna go?

**Collins**: Yeah but we gotta go see my friends first.

_(Back in the loft...)_

**Mark:** You going to Mo's show?

**Roger:** No flow, can't go.

**Mark:** Whatever. Take your AZT. (to audience) Roger is depressed and he has AIDS which he got from his dead girlfriend.

**Roger:** Why do I suck so much? I just want to write one kick ass song. But it's hard when you are an ex-junkie and your girlfriend killed herself? No subject matter at all.

There's a knock at the door.

**Mimi:** Look I don't have any heat so light this candle and I'll seduce you.

**Roger:** You're-

**Mimi:** Stop staring at my ass!

**Roger:** You look familiar. Kind of like my dead girlfriend. But only when you smile.

**Mimi: **I strip at the Cat Scratch Club

**Roger: **So that's why your ass looks familiar.

**Mimi: **I dropped my stash.

**Roger: **Crack kills.

**Mimi: **I've got a cold.

**Roger: **Yeah right. I used to be a junkie.

**Mimi: **You remind me of my father. Your hands are big like his. Light my candle andwe'll see what else is big on you.

**Roger: **Uh no. Get that damn candle out of my face so I can take your stash. Oh and I'm Roger by the way.

**Mimi: **They call me Mimi.

**Roger: **Who's they?

**Mimi: **Wouldn't you like to know?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_(The phone rings at Joanne's house)_

**Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson:** Joanne we're going away for Christmas and New Year's. We need you at the hearing. Don't look like a lesbian.

_(Back at the loft…)_

**Collins:** We brought you bums some stuff.

**Mark**: So you're Santa now?

**Collins**: Roger, have you left the house?

**Roger:** Um, no. Who's that out side?

**Collins:** Oh, he/she brought the stuff. It's Angel Dumott Schunard!

**Angel**: _(Twirls inside)_ Whoo, I'm a girl now! Yay!

Mark and Roger: Oooookay

**Angel**: I killed a dog from some rich bitch and she gave me $1000.00 and then I helped Collins here when he got his ass beat. Today for you, tomorrow for me.

**Collins:** What she said.

_(Outside…)_

**Benny**: Hey homeless bum. Stop trying to hotwire my car.

**Mark**: That's why Maureen is protesting you being an asshole.

**Benny:** Whatever. Look just stop her protest and you can stay rent free. Do it or pack.

**Angel**: Um depressant much?

**Roger**: He needs drugs.

**Mark:** We could hug him.

**Collins:** Yo, Life Support tonight. You guys coming?

**Mark and Roger:** WTF?

**Angel**: A group for people coping with life.

**Mark:** Oh, well I'm a sucker so I have to help Maureen first. But after that, I'll be there.

**Angel:** What about you Roger?

**Roger:** I don't like people.

**Mark**: Shut your depressed ass up.

**Angel:** He'll catch up later, just let him wallow a while. You'll see.

**Roger**: Leave me alone.

**Collins and Angel**: We're gay!

**Roger and Mark:** No shit!

_(Mark goes to the lot to help Maureen)_

**Mark: **I'm here to fix the equipment.

**Joanne: **Skinny, pale. You must be Mark.

**Mark: **Oh crap you're Joanne.

**Joanne: **I told that cheating hoe not to call you.

**Mark: **She's your cheating hoe. But seriously, I'm here to help.

**Joanne: **Too bad white boy. I hired an engineer.

**Mark: **Great. So long sucker.

**Joanne: **She's three hours late.

**Mark: **_(heaving a sigh)_ Fine, I'll help. What's wrong with it?

**Joanne: **The sample won't delay, but the cable-

**Mark: **Just say something.

**Joanne: **Test 1-2-3.

**Mark: **Not that. This is so fucking weird.

**Joanne: ** Stopcussing. I can't believe she cheated.

**Mark: **Fucking cheated. But what do you expect?

**Joanne: **I can't help but love her.

**Mark: **Who you telling?

**Both: **Let's dance to our patheticness!

_(They tango)_

**Mark: **Bye, gotta go.

_(Runs to Life Support and bursts through the door. Everyone turns to look at him.)_

**Mark: **I'm Mark and no, I don't have AIDS. Just here to film a bit.

**Steve, Gordon, Aly, Pam, Sue, Angel, Collins, Paul: **Whatever. No Day But Today!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_(At the Cat Scratch Club…)_

**Mimi:** I'm a slut, I'm barely dressed. Take me out tonight. Now I'm going to howl a bit and break into your loft through the window and still expect you to take me ooooouuuuut tonight.

**Roger:** Yeah, not gonna happen. You interrupted me and my guitar who I love more than most people.

**Mimi:** But I have smack.

**Roger:** Now you've really got to go. Get the fuck out of here with your drugs and your stupid candle.

**Mimi:** I don't even have my candle with me.

**Roger:** Whatever, you need to try this again another day. Next time use the door, and leave the smack at home.

**Mimi:** But, no day but today.

**Roger**: I should tell you, I should tell you.

**Mimi**: Uh right now we're singing No Day but Today.

**Mark, Angel, and Collins:** _(from Life Support)_ Yeah, No Day But Today.

**Roger:** Where the hell did you guys come from? Aren't you like at Life Support?

**Angel:** In addition to being able to change my gender I can also see things that are very far away. So I know what's going on even though I just met you an hour ago.

**Mimi and Roger:** Uh, yeah.

**Mimi, Angel, Mark, and Collins:** No day but today

**Roger:** Fuck off and leave me alone.

_(They do leave Roger alone and he begins to feel sad. So he jumps up and…)_

**Roger:** I think I'll go to Life Support and create my own verse to a song!

_(At Life Support…)_

**Steve, Gordon, Aly, Pam, Sue, Collins, Angel, and Mark:** Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this night-

**Roger:** _(Loudly)_ Will I lose my dignity? Hey everybody! I'm out of the house look at me!

**Mark, Angel, and Collins:** Yay! It's about time!

_(They finally leave Life Support where they've been for quite some time.)_

_(On the street…)_

**Blanket Person:** Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. Give me a dollar.

**Mark:** Ain't got it.

**Blanket Person:** Fuck

_(On the subway…)_

**Collins:** We should go to Santa Fe.

**Mark**: And do what?

**Collins:** Open up a restaurant.

**Roger:** Can any of us cook?

**Collins:** Whoa oh oh oh oh. Not really.

**Mark:** Come on Roger let's go so that the next song can happen.

**Roger:** Huh?

**Mark:** Just come on!

_(They leave)_

**Angel:** Live in my house and we can kiss a lot. I'll be your shelter and blanket. And I'll buy you a coat.

**Collins:** You had me at kiss.

_(They kiss)_

**Homeless Bums:** We don't have anything we want for Christmas so it's going to suck! And there's no room at the Holiday Inn, even though if there was we couldn't afford it any way.

**Angel:** Let's get a coat.

**Collins:** You do too much.

**Angel:** Never

**Mark:** What happened tonight?

**Roger:** I met someone.

**Mark: **You smell of wax. You've been lightning candles.

**Roger:** How'd you know?

**Mark:** I also know you threw her out.

**Roger:** She's right there. (Points at Mimi who's bargaining with the man.)

**Mark:** Maureen? That slut.

**Roger:** Eww no, Mimi.

_(Goes over to her)_

**Roger:** Wanna go out after Mo's show? I know it's like one song away but-

**Mimi:** I'll go.

**Maureen:** Get y'all asses to the stage. It's show time!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_(In the lot at Maureen's protest…)_

**Maureen**: So basically Benny sucks, any one who's with me say Moo!

**All: **MOO! MOO! MOO!

**Maureen: **That's what I thought.

_(They all proceed to the Life Café)_

**Host: **You broke bums can't come in here.

**Roger: **Why not?

**Host: **Because you're broke. Duh.

**All: **WHATEVER!

_(They all go sit down and Benny is spotted.)_

**Maureen: **Why are you here?

**All: **Wine and Beer!

**Benny: **Good try tonight Mo. Did you win? I think not.

**Maureen: **Go to hell.

**All: **Wine and Beer!

**Benny: **Bohemia's dead, morons.

**Mark: **So here's to her death! _(Eulogy ensues)_

**Maureen: **Ooh look at my ass!

**All: **A bunch of dead guys' names! Nasty sexual references! Marijuana! More nasty sexual references! Wine and Beer! La Vie Boheme!

**Mimi: **You're ignoring me Roger.

**Roger: **I have AIDS. Leave me alone.

**Mimi: **You, me and every one else in this show.

**Roger: **You, really? _(Cheesy Mimi name use.)_

**Mimi: **Duh, why else would I be so skinny and sick looking?

_(Roger pulls her outside into the snow, even though they both have weak immune systems and catching a cold would probably kill them.)_

**Roger: **I should tell you, I should tell you.

**Mimi: **How many times can you say that in one act?

**Roger: **We both have AIDS let's get together.

**Mimi: **Sure.

_(Small -_yeah right, small my ass_- lovely kiss happens)_

**All: **Viva La Vie Boheme!

_(End of Act 1 and one whole day. Even though the first Act is the longest, it all happens in one night and the second, much shorter, act takes place over nearly a year.)_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Act 2

**All: **525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear. I bet none of you know how many minutes are in a year. Love! Love! Love! Seasons of Love!

_(Outside of the padlocked door to the loft…)_

**Mimi: **I just met this guy and now I think I'm in love and I want to go back to school even though I wont be doing that at anytime in the remainder of the show. Happy New Year!

**Mark: **Don't drink all of the booze Mimi. Jeez, you go from smack to alcohol. What's next? **Maureen: **_(smacking on chips) _Oh shut up and have a chip Mark.

**Mark: **Hick much?

**Maureen: **Joanne I'll be your slave, you know what kind I'm talking about.

**Joanne: **Yeah we'll see. So Mark how does it feel to be a squatter?

**Maureen: **Don't you two get all chummy on me.

**Roger: **Wow this is the first time I've laughed since like ever. I used to hate people, but now I have this warm feeling inside. It's cool. Happy New Year.

**Collins: **I'm James Bond.

**Angel: **_(Holding blowtorch) _And I've got pussy galore.

**Mark: **Riiight. Whatever you say Angel.

_(Mimi pours drinks, even though she's been drinking out of the bottle.)_

**All: **Happy New- _(Benny arrives)_

**Benny: **I see that you got here first.

**Roger: **Fuck off Benny!

**Mark: **You're not mad we busted the door?

**Benny: **It's your door.

**Mimi: **What changed your mind?

**Benny: **You know it was you, remember you came over, seduced me, and we uh- discussed things.

**Roger: **What! You liar.

**Benny: **Tell that to my sore back.

**Mimi: **It's sore cause I beat you up.

**Benny: **You sure did. Does your boyfriend know who your last boyfriend was?

**Roger: **I'm not that slut's boyfriend.

**Angel: **_(Whacks Roger with her purse) _Come on now. This is no way to start off a new year. Benny just lost his cat after all.

**Benny: **It was my dog.

**Angel: **I know how you feel. My cat had a fall too.

**Benny: **How do you know she fell?

**Angel: **See what had happened was… _(Stops and turns to the group) _Let's always be friends okay you guys?

**Mimi: **Sure, why not?

**Mark: **Friendship's cool.

**Roger: **Yeah right.

**Mimi**: It is if you've got trust.

**Roger: **And devotion.

**Joanne: **And love.

**Mark: **_(Elbows Roger) _Depends on not denying emotion.

**Roger: **Perhaps

**All: **It's gonna be a Happy New Year.

**Roger: **I guess.

_(Angel takes off her shoe)_

**All: **It's gonna be a Happy New Year.

**Roger: **_(opens his mouth to doubt this again and gets hit in the head with Angel's six inch heeled shoe) _You're right!

**Mimi: **I'm sorry.

**Roger: **Yeah me too. You going in?

**Mimi: **In a minute, you go ahead.

**The Man: **_(from out of nowhere) _Well well, here again? _(Off key) _it's gonna be a happy new year.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Maureen: **You don't understand me Joanne. I'm a diva who is a little insane. So take me or leave me.

**Joanne: **Yeah and I'm a stuck up Harvard graduate who hates insanity and loves you. So take me or leave me.

**Maureen: **I'd rather not.

**Joanne: **What a coincidence.

**All: **In diapers and report cards, funerals and births blah blah. Didn't we just sing this song? And who has a baby with diapers? Seasons of Love. Love. Love. Love.

**Mimi: **Without you things keep going on as usual. It's just me that's stuck in a rut. I'll die without you.

**Roger: **Me too. Every thing seems to be blue without you, and you're going to die anyway.

**Mimi: **Weren't you the one who walked out on me though? Shouldn't I be the sad one?

**Roger: **I miss you though. I'd die without you too.

**Mimi: **So let's get back together idiot!

**Roger: **Okay! Oh and Angel just died over there on that table. Did you notice?

**Alexi Darling: **(in an annoyingly perky voice) Look Mark call us back. You know you are a broke bum and you need the money so just take the job and give us your soul already.

**Half of the Cast: **Sexual sounds and words. Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet.

**Other Half: **Whore, Cannibal, Don't stop.

**All: **What is the point of this uh- song?

**Angel: **Take me, I love you and I'm supposed to be dead, but really this song is one big orgasm so I ain't complaining.

**All but Collins: **It's over.

**Collins: **(Late) Yeah what they said. Oh is Angel really dead now?

**Mimi: **Angel had a lot of balls.

**Mark: **He er- she was very nice.

**Maureen: **We were lucky to know her.

**Collins: **Live in my house… (You know the rest). I'll cover you, even though you're dead.

**All: **525,600 minutes 525,000 seasons of love!

**Mark: **How did we get here? How did I get here? Oh yeah last Christmas when we all became friends. What if we had never met? What if every body leaves me alone?

**Mimi: **So you sold your guitar and bought a car?

**Roger: **Yeah. Can't walk to Santa Fe. You with Benny?

**Benny: **I thought we agreed you weren't talking to him.

**Maureen:** You ain't her daddy.

**Joanne: **And no one's talking to you so why don't you but out.

**Mimi and Joanne: **I wish I had what Angel had. Instead of these dead beats.

**Collins: **Hey I'm grieving over here!

**Benny: **Oh get over it. I'm paying for this after all. I mean Angel did kill that dog I hate after all.

(They walk away. Mark and Roger are alone, or so they think they are, but really Mimi is lurking.)

**Mark: **So good food in Santa Fe.

**Roger: **Uh yeah. How could she?

**Mark: **Well you let her, stupid. You should have cared about her and me.

**Roger: **What do you have to do with this? Mimi has so much baggage.

**Mark: **Yeah and so do you. You can't pack light to go across the country.

**Roger: **Who are you to tell me that camera boy? You should just go and marry that stupid camera. You think I hate people? You hate them more than I do because you detach and hide from being alive.

**Mark: **Well I'll have plenty of time to be alive when you're all dead, won't I. You know Mimi loves you. But you're either jealous or afraid she's getting sicker.

**Roger: **She did look pale.

**Mark: **She's gonna die soon, and you're running away!

**Roger: **Shut up! I'm leaving now. I'll call you. (opens the door and runs into Mimi.) You heard?

**Mimi: **Duh, you were practically screaming. So you don't want me because I'm going to die and you don't want to see it? I just wanted to say Goodbye love.

**Roger: **I have to find glory.

**Mimi: **Is that all you can think about you loser? Goodbye love. Goodbye love. (Roger leaves and Benny comes in. He tries to hug Mimi)

**Mimi: **Don't touch me. I'm scared and I need to leave.

**Mark: **How about rehab?

**Mimi: **I don't have any money moron!

**Benny: **I'll pay.

**Mimi: **Goodbye love, goodbye love.

**Mark: **What was the name of this song again?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Mark:** Don't breathe too deep. We do live in New York with all the smog after all. That hurt and shame will go away. So forget you're a decent person cause you're living in America at the end of the millennium even though that's still ten years away.

**Roger:** _(From Santa Fe which is really the back of the same stage Mark is on) _Mark can't see anything.

**Mark:** And Roger can't hear anything.

**Roger:** I see Mimi! Oh wait that was a mirage.

**Mark:** I thought I heard, Angel but that must have been the sound of my soul fluttering away. This is like the twilight zone. You're what you own.

**Roger:** _(Moving closer to Mark though still in Santa Fe) _What happened that night when we were all connecting? I saw the light then.

**Roger and Mark:** I didn't disengage!

**Mark:** I hear you Angel. I see my film!

**Angel:** _(in heaven, or is he uh- she?) _I didn't say anything.

**Roger:** I see you Mimi. I hear my song!

**Mimi:** I think you've had a little to much sun Roger. I'm not even there.

**Mark:** Fuck off Alexi! I quit!

**Roger:** I'm back and dying in America ten years before the end of the millennium and I'm not alone!

**Mark:** Me either!

_(Mark and Roger hug. Roger's back from the other side of the stage. I mean Santa Fe!)_

**Roger's Mom, Mark's Mom, Mimi Mom and Joanne's Dad: **Call your parents you bums!

**Mark:** December 24th 10 pm EST. Wow it's been a year already? I finished my movie, turn the projector on! Look it's Roger. He got his guitar back when he sold the car that took him to the other side of the stage. I mean to Santa Fe.

**Roger:** I found my song.

**Mark: **Yeah well maybe Mimi's hiding wherever you found it.

**Roger:** I tried to look for her. I mean I did look in her window for like five whole minutes.

**Mark:** Hey look it's me! I'm still in the dark.

**Roger:** But you've got great footage to screen tonight.

**Mark:** It's all in honor of Benny's wife.

**Roger:** You mean the Muffster?

**Mark:** Well she did get Benny to leave us alone maybe we can use her real name for once.

_(The power blows for the hundredth time in this show)_

**Roger:** So maybe we'll show the movie tomorrow.

**Mark: **So how did Alison find out about Mimi?

**Roger:** Maybe it was a birdie.

**Collins:** Or and Angel. And don't say birdie Roger. It's not rocker-esque. Oh I brought you bums some money. I rewired the ATM at the Food Emporium.

**Mark:** And no one saw you?

**Collins:** Nope. All you need is the code.

**Roger and Mark:** And the code would be?

**Collins:** A-N-G-E-L. What else you dead beats? But we really should open up that restaurant in Santa Fe.

**Roger:** I don't think there's room for it on the other side of the stage. I was just back there, not much room at all. Plus you'd miss New York.

**Maureen:** Mark tell Roger to come get his girlfriend. She might be small but we can't get her up the stairs.

_(They go get Mimi)_

**Maureen:** She was living in the park.

**Roger:** I knew I should have looked there. We need some heat.

**Mimi: **Cold Cold Shivering

**Collins:** Um that's not really going to work. She's delusional.

**Mimi:** I heard that.

**Maureen:** Collins call the doctor.

**Mimi:** Don't waste your money, I'm dying you idiots. Would you light my candle?

**Roger:** Uh sure, as soon as we find one.

**Mimi:** I should tell you, I should tell you.

**Roger:** Ditto

**Maureen:** You haven't told each other yet?

**Mimi:** I don't love Benny.

**Roger: **Duh, he's no where near as cute as me. I should tell you why I left. It wasn't because I didn't-

**Mimi:** I know. Wait; you didn't what? I should tell you I love you. _(She faints)_

**Roger:** You can't leave me here with my guitar. I actually like people now. Hold on, you can't die yet. I actually finished a song. It took me all year and you have to hear it.

**Mimi:** Uh okay.

**Roger: **Your eyes as we said our good byes… _(You know the rest.)_ I have always loved you. You can see it in my eyes. (Mimi passes away) MIMI!

_(Every one sits there crying and not really doing anything to help the dead Mimi. Then suddenly, like magic, she stirs.)_

**Mimi:** A leap of MOOOO!

**Maureen**: Hey that's my line!

**Mimi:** I was heading toward the light and I saw Angel. She looked good. I really liked that skirt she was wearing. She said to turn around and listen to your song. So here I am.

**Mark:** There is no future, there is no past.

**Maureen:** Oh is it time to sing?

**Roger:** Thank God this moment's not the last.

**Roger and Mimi:** There's only us, there's only this forget regret or life is yours to miss.

**All:** No other road, no other way. No day but today. So if we say this every day, what day are we talking about?

**Girls:** I can't control my destiny.

**Boys:** Will I lose my dignity? Will some one care?

**Girls:** I'd die without you.

**Boys:** Give in to love or live in fear.

**Girls:** I'd die without you.

**Boys:** No day but today.

**All:** Why are we singing different songs? Whatever, alls well that ends well.- **NO DAY BUT TODAY!**


	8. Chapter 8

Hello all my wonderful fellow RENT lovers! I just wanted to wish you all Happy Holidays and all that. Please take the time to remember all the people out there who are less fortunate than you (the RENT gang) and as always have RENTy thoughts. I should have some new stories for the New Year. And I'll be updating stuff before Christmas. Have a wonderful season of love (hee-hee)

Blessed be- Nakeva Rapp

P.S. This isn't really a chapter of RENT the Real Story. That story is really over. I know that a lot of you liked this one and it seemed like the best one to put this on so you all would read it. Please forgive my deception.


	9. Chapter 9

Hello all. I have some terrible news for you all. My computer is having horrible technical difficulties and I can't write any stories or update unless it's at school. I only stay after to get on the computer on Tuesdays and Thursdays so it might take me a long time to get any more chapters up. I'm so sorry that you will all have to wait for my lovely words. (Joke!) Anyway I hope to be back in business before the end of the month. Happy Reading and Writing to you all.


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